Winter

This jogging stroller is the cure for cabin fever and the recent massive amount of snow.
It is surprisingly easy to navigate in the snow and can plow through at least 6 or so inches of powder. If the thermometer is in the 30's 20's we're on a walk! Not bad for a $20 craigslist find.

On Sleep

This is every parents worse nightmare, no pun intended. The dreaded question, "Is your baby sleeping through the night?" Because as parents, sleep no matter how "well" your baby is doing it, is still shitty. Thing number two to never say to a parent of a young child, "Oh, I had the WORST night sleep last night". No, not possible. I, in fact, had the worst night sleep, and not just me, but also Ron and Ollie and probably the cat and our unfortunate upstairs neighbors.
It is hard to imagine that this adorably cute sleeping baby was a wretched screaming monster the night before. Waking up at midnight and screaming on and off for three hours. Finally one of us had enough groggy sense to realize that Oliver had two areas of bulging gums, ripe with fresh baby teeth. Poor baby (and parents). We gave him some teething gel and cuddled into bed together, getting 2.5 hours of sleep until we had to wake up. Sheesh.
This whole episode is on the tail end of transitioning (successfully!) Oliver into a crib. Yep, this Mama had enough of waking up every hour for a month. It was time, we were exhausted, Oliver was a wreck during the day. I cried, had a minor identity crisis, (will I still be a co-sleeping mama?), but in the end it went really well and only took about one week and no crying it out. Six consecutive hours of sleep never felt so damn good!

What I find unsettling about self-help sleep books, and we did use one as a reference (but more importantly also got amazing help from a local Doula). I thought, overall, as I do for most self help books, is that they are a bit condescending and self-adsorbed. Kim West did keep this tone to a minimum, although I still got triggered quite a bit while reading. Particularly the fact that she refers to breaking "bad" habits, like for instance nursing your baby to sleep and sleeping with your baby. Leaving the reader feeling quite guilty and shameful. So, I'd like to ask Kim West, the Sleep Lady, to please consider rephrasing this. Something more along the lines of breaking old habits or routines that are no longer working for you. Because frankly, if you think about it, nursing your baby to sleep is not bad. There are far worse things than cuddling and soothing your baby to sleep. In fact, nursing to sleep works for some people for quite a long time, many of these people I know and greatly respect as Mamas. It was just no longer working for us, we needed a change, I think we all did.

In the end, when reading self-help sleep books, I want to be reassured that what I had been doing in the past is not going to permanently damage my child, which of course it isn't. Suggesting otherwise can make an already delicate, sleep deprived Mama feel that much worse. And not to mention, it simply isn't true. Yes, nursing to sleep makes night time weening difficult. It does make the transition to a crib or separate bed a little more harrowing. In the end, was I hurting my child? Is he worse off because he was nursed to sleep for a year of his life? Absolutely not. In fact, I enjoyed our time co-sleeping and nursing a large majority of that time, and I am fairly certain that Oliver was feeling content about it too. This kind of reassurance can easily be incorporated into Ms. West's book, and for that matter any type of self help book. You don't have to go for the hard sell on your methods or theories, we already have the book in hand. However, being realistic about making changes and reassuring your already vulnerable readers that where they're at isn't the end of the world. That sentiment would sit well with me.

I've Come Under Fire

I shared my birth story over at Mama Birth, and I want to thank her for hosting a place where women can openly share their stories. We need more open and honest truth about birth. In sharing this story there was some backlash, which got even more heated over on facebook. My first instict was to go into hiding, to silence myself, to feel shame and embarrassment. Then I remembered, women have been pushed in to silence for so long, especially surrounding birth. So, I'm here to share my thoughts on the debacle, and to keep honest and open dialogue surrounding birth alive and well.

What I find surprising is that women, my fellow home birthing sisters and midwives, unfortunately used the same condemning tone and quick and harsh criticisms that home birth critics, both professional and lay people, use. As a trained mediator and social justice intergroup dialogue facilitator, I know that disagreement is a huge part of coming to some sort of common ground, of sharing your story, your ideas and your beliefs and turning these disagreements into something positive. But disagreements have to be done so in ways that do not close doors, but open them and keep our conversations about giving birth progressive, and not public shaming, criticism, and silencing.

I'm not going to defend the way I gave birth to my son, it has gone beyond that. But I want to highlight how those of us who do things that are out of the ordinary, that shock and might scare some folks often take the heat. My experience should not not open the door for hate and condemnation, but for others to listen, to read, to respect and to learn from it, if you agree with me or not. Not to play the "what if" game, or the "how could you be so irresponsible" game. That isn't helpful, rather it is divisive in the fight for women to give birth on their own terms and the movement away from institutional and medical hegemony. Please, let this be a lesson, don't take my voice away and the voices of other women whose experiences you might not agree with.

In peace an solidarity,
Jessica