I remember when diaper changes used to be easy and sweet and a time when I could coo with my baby and zerbert his belly. Now it is toddler-demon-diaper-changes-from-hell! The whole situation is trying my patience and is the bane of my existence. There I said it, I dread diaper changes! Or any transition time during the day as a matter of fact.
This loss of patience, this all consuming stress that I've been feeling lately also stirs up the feeling that my problem really isn't a legitimate problem. I keep hearing myself complain over and over in my head about how difficult it is to get Oliver in a new diaper, and it sounds so simple and so whiny, and that SO many other people have bigger issues to worry about, and the guilt ensues. Then, in trying to figure out what the heck this guilt is all about, I think about when I had all-consuming-stress other times in my life. For example, in grad school when I was writing my thesis. I can recall feeling an all-consuming- stress, becoming overwhelmed about it, and never once thinking it wasn't a "real" problem, or ever feeling guilty about it. So what the fuck is the difference?
My late night, overtired analysis is simple. Thesis work and stress is considered "real work" - contributing to society kind of work, and occurs out in the public sphere (although, I have been internally working on how the work of parenting is similar to the work of a grad student, but that's a funny post for another day). The stress is legitimate (at least that is how I internalized it), warranted, and expected. So it's easy to not feel guilty about this kind of stress. Whereas mama-type problems and stress (or parenting problems and stress) are often met with an eye roll and snort, inferring to the recipient to get-some-real-problems. This sentiment I have internalized and am now grappling with. I don't feel that I have a legitimate problem - that it is all silly to stress out about diapering my child! That people have bigger problems and I shouldn't complain for fear of sounding like, well.... a Mom. So here I sit, later than I'd like to be awake, and grappling with my real, but not-so-real, all consuming stress. Please someone give me permission to stress out about diapering! Thanks.
Sometimes impromptu trips are the best. Ollie and I had the opportunity to get in some last minute beach time on the Cape with a very good friend who normally lives far away. We didn't blink an eye - packed the car up and took off eastward. It was a lovely trip with lovely people.
Hi I am Jessica Montalino (a pseudonym last name). I live with my partner Ron, our son Oliver, and the handsome feline Marvin. I am a wild toddler wrangler, cloth diaper washer, and the occasional adjunct teacher of social work. You could call this a plain old Mama Blog. I see it as a collection of kid photos, daily on-goings, and observations about gender, birth, and anything else that strikes my fancy. Enjoy and thanks for visiting!